I cannot stay quietly rooted anywhere because of the many sides of myself constantly sprouting, the layers of latent mysteries, the things I am not yet.
— Anais Nin
Hello love,
First things first - take a deep breath in. Open the mouth, let it go.
Again - Inhale to fill the belly. Exhale to empty.
Once more - Inhale, the chest lifts. Exhale, the chest falls.
Yes, that’s it. You are here. You are breathing. You are doing beautifully.
Welcome to our October dear.
Mary Oliver calls Autumn the exquisite diminishing. How wonderful is that? Fall is ripe with change and big beautiful colors, but it also marks death (and so much of it right now), a harbinger of the great pause of winter.
The change happens quickly and unevenly. While some New England trees are still big bushes of green, others are that perfect shade of deep, bright, burnt red, and still others are already mostly bare, their dresses now brown and crunchy on the ground.
And I don’t know about you, but I feel like I’ve been changing at hyper speed myself. The COVID pandemic has fundamentally changed life uniquely and permanently for each of us. The eruption (& affirmation) of racial injustices is, yet again, exposing vicious personal and collective truths. We have been forced to adapt and we are being asked for more, necessary change.
There is much work to be done. Much work we are doing.
Combined with the stressful back-to-work, back-to-school vibes, it all overwhelmed me (and still does frequently), until I realized this is natural.
Like with many of our struggles, we can learn from nature’s far superior and more ancient intelligence. Nature knows: the Fall is for activity.
Bears eat & drink almost nonstop in preparation for their winter hibernation.
Flowers shed their seeds in advance of the frost.
The blackpoll warbler that nests in the Northern States makes an incredible 3 day, 1,721 mile nonstop flight across the Atlantic to warmer weather (that’s 65.7 human marathons).
We can embrace the flurry and fury of these months just as the earth does (remember, we’re made of the exact same stuff). Winter and rest is coming.
So whatever change looks like for you right now, however minuscule or major the imprints are, you are growing. You’ve had no choice. You may feel like you’re being whipped around like the wind whips the leaves.
Know it is natural. It is okay. And you’re doing a great job.
We do one thing or another; we stay the same or we change.
Congratulations if you have changed.
— To Being With, Sweet Grass by Mary Oliver
The Why is Worth It
Last month I wrote about nurturance, the action of loving. This month I’m discussing the last piece of our working definition, the WHY of loving:
Love (v): the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.
Our why, love’s purpose, is spiritual growth.
This is why we make the effort, overcome discomfort, pain, and fear, and expend the resources necessary for action.
And it’s not just any type of growth, but the spiritual kind. It’s easy to get hung up on that word, especially in the West. What is this woo-woo jazz? What does spirituality mean? What if I’m not spiritual? Is it different than religion? How?
I don’t know. I have no idea. Rather, I have seeds. Seeds for a journey toward wholeness that promises to be lifelong and full of hope and unanswered questions.
Scattering Seeds
I’m just beginning to take the baby steps of this inquiry. You may have a clear vision of spiritual growth for yourself. You may be curious to learn more. So like the Fall flower, I scatter the below seeds from my current research for us to share, bury, and let bloom in our own ways.
All About Love by renowned Black scholar and activist bell hooks. No surprise that since this investigation is based on the definition of Love I found in her book, I went there first. She writes:
Some folks have difficulty with Peck’s definition of love because he uses the word “spiritual.” He is referring to that dimension of our core reality where mind, body, and spirit are one. An individual does not need to be a believer in a religion to embrace the idea that there is an animating principle in the self — a life force (some of us call it soul) that when nurtured enhances our capacity to be more fully self-actualized and able to engage in communion with the world around us.
Practice. I joined my dear teacher Cath’s 40 Early Mornings meditation program (beginning again Dec. 19!) to practice connecting to and staying with myself every day, cultivating slow, sustainable, and attainable growth. Cath based the concept beautifully on these lines Rumi gives us:
A new moon teaches gradualness and deliberation,
and how one gives birth to oneself slowly.
Patience with small details makes perfect a large work, like the universe.
What nine months of attention does for an embryo
forty early mornings
will do
for your gradually growing wholeness.
Women Who Run with the Wolves by Jungian psychoanalyst and cantadora Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, read this book if you’re a womxn in need of knowing, reconnection and healing, or if you want to better understand the spirits and souls of all womxn. I’m on my second reading, and plan to revisit each year around my birthday. In her text, the spirit is the child of the ego and soul. She calls it:
La niña milagrosa, a miracle child, who has the ability to…hear the far-off voice that says it is time to come back, back to oneself.
Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life by Father Richard Rohr. I just picked this up yesterday in my childhood home. Father Rohr teaches the two journeys of life: our first, identity-driven one and the further journey, which requires a “falling.” Spirituality is “learning how to stay out of the way of this natural growing and awakening” of the “soul, our deepest identity, our True Self, our unique blueprint.” For all us perfectionists and risk-avoiders out there, he challenges:
We grow spiritually much more by doing it wrong than by doing it right. That might be the central message of how spiritual growth happens; yet nothing in us wants to believe it…If there is such a thing as human perfection, it seems to emerge precisely from how we handle the imperfection that is everywhere, especially our own. What a clever place for God to hide holiness, so that only the humble and earnest will find it!
I love that last line so much.
Seeds. Seeds. Seeds.
Love Offering: Spirit Strength Training
All this growth requires endurance, and I’m already tired. I know you are too.
Need some strength training? Meet my soul sister and fellow teacher Ssanyu Brooks!
Ssanyu and I met in our 300 hour Teaching from the Heart yoga teacher training. We were paired up in an exercise the first weekend to write one another’s teaching bios. We spent the whole time talking about our love of yoga and life journeys instead of writing, giving ourselves the generous deadline of “one day” to share them.
And now, that one day is here and in such a beautiful, unexpected way. As soon as I picked this month’s theme, I texted Ssanyu. Her nickname from training is Sunshine Warrior. She is grace and strength embodied. She teaches her special sauce of power and compassion at Humble Haven and Still + Free yoga studios and spends her week days working alongside doctors to help test & care for COVID patients. She is committed to her spiritual path and devoted to the faith that we are all loved, no matter what.
Ssanyu thoughtfully designed and recorded (and re-recorded!) a 75 minute Spirit Rise vinyasa flow practice especially for this community. The passcode is UW!kjE=4.
Please enjoy. If you treat yourself with this gorgeous practice (or are just feeling particularly generous), please Venmo Ssanyu for her love, time and expertise.
Now, extra savasana.
How I’m Loving Lately
Cool beach rock of South America?!
Finding good news we need, like the fact that data from the U.S. Elections Project finds that nearly 1 million Americans have already voted ahead of November's election, compared to fewer than 10,000 people at this point in 2016.
Returning my mail-in ballot early (register to vote & get your ballot)
Watching Alfred Hitchcock classics I’ve never seen like Rear Window and The Man Who Knew Too Much
Exploring nature & neighborhoods with 2 hour walks a few times a week
Last but never least, how are you dear? Did any of this land? Was this useful or just more information your brain tried to absorb? I do hope you’ll let me know.
Take care. Remember your masks and your manners.
In grace and growth,
Colby
Hi Colby,
Your Mom passed along your Oct letter, so I've since signed up and read the past 3. As I said to your mom, you have a remarkable gift for writing and sharing your journey into healing and fulfillment. I don't know where you find the time to delve into so many topics that all touch on change and growth of the human soul and spirit. You must have a vast support network! I found myself wanting to click on all the hyperlinks, but alas...I'll have to set aside a bigger chunk of time! You are a wonderful inspiration to others - thank you, and I hope I get to see you within the next couple of weeks!
Love,
Lou
What a beautiful piece of writing. I really enjoyed the great pause of a great read! Thanks for sharing. And caring.